Some people love to be dominated in bed, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
So long as the situation is safe and consensual, it can be fun to have the sense of power being ‘taken’ from you – especially if you’re in a position of power outside of the bedroom.
Certain bosses, CEOs, politicians and VIPs across the country will be engaging in some light domination, enjoying having someone else take the lead. There’s a reason that some people in positions like these enjoy this bedroom kink so much.
Kate Moyle, sex expert for sex wellness brand LELO, says: ‘A sub/dom relationship centers around a consensual exchange of power.’
Whether or not it appeals to someone is down to many factors, such as ‘life experiences, context, preferences and desires’.
She explains: ‘One common reason is that being in a submissive role offers the opposite to someone who is in a high power role in daily life – this takes away from some of the pressures and expectations of the daily routine, offering a sense of relief or the ability to fully let go in the experience.’
How to stay safe while being dominated
- Have limits and boundaries which are discussed beforehand
- Have safe words and signals
- Have aftercare (in the form of talking about the experience and cuddling)
- Ensure there is trust between those involved
It can be helpful to think of domination in bed in an empowered way, despite how it might seem on the surface.
Louella Alderson, a relationship expert at So Syncd, says: ‘Whilst surrendering yourself to be dominated by someone else might be seen to be giving up your power, it’s actually the opposite.
‘When practiced correctly, with clear boundaries and consent, having someone else dominate you in the bedroom is a completely controlled scenario.
‘It’s giving up your day-to-day, highly controlled and powerful persona and handing it over to someone else under the pretense of you being the subordinate, when in fact you are the one in control as everything is practiced within your set boundaries. ‘
Why high-powered men like being dominated
Given our general power imbalance between men and women societally, there is at once both interest and taboo in the idea of men being dominated.
Men might feel this common sexual desire is ‘unmasculine’ or not something they should partake in, but almost anyone can enjoy being submissive in a safe and secure way.
The idea of being dominated as a man, especially one that’s ‘high-powered’, be it in work or other areas of their life, can be a turn-on given it’s not the norm.
Louella says that for men who want to explore this but feel uneasy, they should ‘start with baby steps’.
That means having your partner set the tone and decide positions, before being tied up and blindfolded.
She says: ‘Find someone you feel comfortable with and with who you can talk about these desires and what you find interesting.
‘Talk about things you’ve seen or heard of that you want to explore and start slowly.
‘Communication is key, so start by establishing a ‘safe word’ or phrase which you can use if you start to feel uncomfortable at any stage.
‘It’s about having fun so throw away those unhelpful ideas of what is considered ‘masculine’ or not and instead focus on what feels good.’
The term ‘switch’ is used for someone who goes back and forth or switches between submissive and dominant.
This might be the pattern of someone who is sleeping with a fellow ‘sub’ (submissive person in bed) so that turns can be taken and the sense of power exchanged.
Louella adds: ‘The two key components of a relationship are communication and compromise.
‘If you both like to be dominated, it’s important that you both get to enjoy this. Agree with your partner that you will take it in turns to be dominated.
‘Giving this up may feel tough but you will likely get satisfaction from watching your partner enjoy it – and your turn is next.’
The thrill of not having to take the lead can be sexy, and no matter your gender, it’s fine to explore it.
Smut Drop is a weekly podcast with hosts Jackie Adedeji and Miranda Kane from Metro.co.uk, touching on sex, dating and relationships.
With no holds barred, it’s the home of sex positive chat, where our hosts will be joined each week with sexperts and special guests to explore the world of the erotic.
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