My mom and I often talk about one of the funniest TV episodes we’ve ever seen. On an episode of the 2010s-era sitcom, “The Middle,” Frankie Heck, played by Patricia Heaton, is asked by her family what she wants for Mother’s Day.
In a move relatable to moms everywhere, Frankie tells her husband and three children that what she really wants is a day completely to herself in her house. Not flowers, not candy, not breakfast in bed. Just hours of uninterrupted time for herself to do whatever she wants.
On Mother’s Day morning, with her family away from the house on their own adventures, Frankie goes to her living room in her pajamas with a box of donuts in hand and sits down to a stack of magazines. Then — in a move relatable to moms everywhere — she gets distracted by a chore she thinks she should be doing, which leads to another, which leads to another until she realizes her family will be home any minute, whereupon she sprints back to the couch , and manages to eat a bite of two of her first donut and read a sentence or two of her first magazine before she hears the door open as her husband and children return.
Frankie’s family tells her about the places they went, the picnic they had and all the fun they had without her. In a move relatable to moms everywhere, she cries because not only did she waste her precious time to herself on chores, she also missed out on quality time with her family.
What do moms really want for Mother’s Day?
Mother’s Day can be difficult. We crave, need and deserve time to ourselves. There are so many moments during a typical day when we fantasize about what we would be doing if we didn’t have to drive someone to practice. Or balance a work deadline around someone’s dentist appointment. Or clean one of a million things.
But we also crave, need and deserve to appreciate those little moments of joy that are the best part of being a parent. The picnics, the silly — or sometimes unexpectedly profound — conversations. The hugs and cuddles.
And of course there’s also the ever-present mom guilt. Because of course we love these people we’re so lucky to have in our lives. And of course we should be grateful for every second we get with them. How could we be so selfish as to actually wish for time away from them?
Mother’s Day is hard because we try to achieve the best of both worlds. Some time to ourselves. A perfect, Instagrammable family photo with our kids smiling adoringly at us. And it’s not going to go that way. It never does. Because it’s life, and that’s just the way it goes.
So, if I could just let go of the mom guilt and be realistic, honest and open, here’s what I would want — and not want — on my own perfect Mother’s Day. I hope it’s relatable to moms everywhere.
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I don’t want breakfast in bed
Yes, it’s an adorable and sweet way for children to thank their mothers for millions of meals. But I’m never hungry enough to eat French toast, pancakes, eggs and bacon first thing in the morning. And the kitchen is going to be a mess that I’ll probably have to clean. And I won’t be awake enough to have as much enthusiasm as my bosses deserve. Oh, and mostly importantly, I don’t want to be awake that early anyway.
I do want to sleep
At least until 10. Better yet, 11. Maybe even noon? At that time, I would be happy to have my family come into the room to give me kisses, hugs, cuddles and homemade cards. Plus, my favorite Starbucks drink, a chocolate bar and a book would be great.
I don’t want to go to a restaurant for brunch, lunch or dinner
If we’re going out on Mother’s Day, I probably was the one to make the reservations. And going out to eat requires me to get out of my pajamas. And to make sure the kids have clean clothes. And once we get to the restaurant, I’ll have to give special orders to the server, and ask that the leftovers are placed in separate boxes because if the food touches, the kids won’t eat it when I heat it up later.
I do want takeout
That someone else has picked up for me. In containers that can be easily recycled so I don’t have to do any dishes. And I want to sit in front of the TV while we eat. And, as much as I love seeing my kids enjoy their favorite cartoons, I’m in charge of what we watch. Even if it’s a sappy movie that will make me cry or a sitcom that my kids claim is outdated and cringey.
I don’t want to go anywhere crowded
I love the museums and the zoo and the Domes and the Botanical Gardens and the nature centers we have around Milwaukee. I’m happy and excited to go to any of those places any other time of year. But, on my special day, I want something much more low-key where I don’t have to be hyper-aware to avoid losing my family in crowds.
I do want to go to a quiet park with a playground
I want to sit on a bench and relax while the kids play. When my kids were little, I was happy to enjoy squeals and giggles as I pushed them on the swings a few times, and I’ll gladly play Frisbee or catch or volleyball for a few minutes. But when I get tired or bored, I get to stop and return to my bench.
I don’t want gifts
Well, let me clarify. I don’t want any of the generic Mother’s Day cards, plants or knick-knacks that are ubiquitous this time of year. I know how much my family loves me, and they don’t need to spend money on something from the grocery store that says “Happy Mother’s Day” to prove their love.
I do want gifts
Again, let me clarify. I have always loved kid-created picture frames made from painted macaroni, jewelry crafted into odd shapes by air-dry clay and construction paper cards with misspelled poems and declarations that I’m the best mom ever. Those all make me cry — in a good way.
Oh, and what about those coupon books that kids inevitably make when they belatedly realize that it’s Mother’s Day and they need a gift fast? I will gladly accept those, and I greatly appreciate the coupons I can redeem for free hugs, promises to clean rooms without complaint and uninterrupted time to myself. The only caveat my children should be aware of? If they give me those coupon books, they’d better be ready at all times to follow through on their promises. Because I will cash them in. Mom guilt-free.
Contact Amy Schwabe at (262) 875-9488 or [email protected]. Follow her on Twitter at @WisFamilyJSInstagram at @wisfamilyjs or Facebook at WisconsinFamily.