Some Euphemisms for Sex I’ve Seen While Shopping for a Bed Frame

I recently bought a bed frame that I used to go to a furniture store and say “this looks good” but was made both much cheaper and much worse by the need to spend time on the computer. There are many websites that sell bed frames and they all look pretty fine to me, but the idea that one is is is in moderation or a little more okay than the rest is a haunted proposition that fuels some sort of manic, back and forth clicking fugue state that is the basic condition for spending time at the computer.

At some point I found one even though it hasn’t arrived yet, so I can’t say yet if I made the right decision. I’ve made a decision that is often good enough. Above all, what made me finally say “Fuck it, that’s enough” was the increasingly unbearable state of bed frame reviews, in which helpful people want to convey that a bed frame is either appropriate or inappropriate for the task of “having sex on it” is ”without saying the word“ sex ”.

Here are a few euphemisms I read for sex in the Reviews of Different Bed Frames section:

  • Hanky ​​panky
  • Horizontal mambo
  • Naughty time
  • Culinary delights after dark
  • Mom and Dad work out
  • Work up a sweat * wink wink *
  • Have them (the bed, I hope?) Put through their paces
  • Activities for adults

Do you know what an adult activity is, Linda? Buy bed frame online. We are all grown up here.

To help other bed frame buyers make an informed decision, simply say, “I’ve had a lot of sex on this bed and I think it’s good for it”. Or, if you just have to pick up your pearls, “it’s very sturdy”.

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