‘My ex still sleeps in bed with our daughter – she’s too old, I want him to stop’

A concerned parent has asked for some advice after discovering that her ex-husband was still letting their eight-year-old daughter sleep in his bed at night, as the mum thinks she’s too old now

Father and daughter napping on bed, with dog beside them
Her mum thinks she’s too old to share a bed (stock photo)

When it comes to parenting, a couple can have different ideas about what is right and best for their own child, as one mum has recently shown.

The concerned mum has written into an advice column to seek advice about her ex-husband’s sleeping arrangements with their eight-year-old daughter.

In a post to Laura Mazza at Kidspot.com.au, the anonymous mum explained that she thought her daughter was too old to still be getting into her mum or dad’s bed at night and should be sleeping alone.

However, her ex didn’t agree and had even told the child to tell her mother to “mind your own business”.

The letter reads: “My ex-husband still sleeps with my nearly 8-year-old daughter in his bed. She has her own bed and bedroom to herself and I’ve kept telling her to sleep in her own bed at dads… but she says ‘Dad says to mind your own business’.

The ex told the mum to ‘mind her business’ (stock photo)


Getty Images)

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“I feel she is getting too old for this now. What do I do?”

Parenting blogger Laura, pens a lengthy response to the mum, reassuring her that it’s natural to feel concerned and sharing some suggestions that might help.

“Most mothers have a beautiful love for their children and feel an innate desire to protect them. Your concerns tell me that you are exercising this need to keep your daughter out of harm’s way, and that’s wonderful,” she writes.

Laura then asks a number of questions about why the parent might be feeling anxious – is it because she suspects her ex would cause harm? Is it because the child’s bedtime routine is being compromised when she goes to her dads? Or is she worried her daughter will become too dependent on sleeping in bed with an adult?

She then goes on to share a range of experts the mum might consider talking to if any of these are troubling her.

“If none of the above is a concern or becomes a concern, I would leave it be,” Laura adds. Many parents share bed, and many children naturally grow out of it. If it isn’t causing any harm to her, then don’t cause harm to your relationship with your ex by making a big deal about it.

“Children need to see their parents co-parenting to grow up feeling secure. So my advice to you? If nothing is wrong, let this one go.”

The post caused a stir on Facebook, with many fellow parents sharing their thoughts and the responses were mixed.

One person said: “No one has the right to tell anyone they’re too old for something if it makes them comfortable and happy. Too many people have an opinion because it makes them uncomfortable.”

Someone else wrote: “I would not be tolerating the comment ‘mind your own business’ from my ex or daughter. No one tells me to mind my own business of my own child as their mother, that’s a good start to either one hiding things from me.”

A different user proclaimed: “Get out of their relationship. You have your own relationship, he has his.”

A fourth added: “My 10-year-old still occasionally sleeps in my bed.”

Do you agree? Let us know in the comments below.


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