Are you a screamer, a moan, or a quiet sexist?
As you may have seen on the ~ news ~, supermodel and actress Cara Delevingne is proud to be the latter, who recently told Sarah Hyland on the talk show Women’s parts that she prefers quiet sex. “If you just try not to make a sound, you feel it a lot more and it’s like ‘Whoa!'” Said Delevingne.
Perhaps it has a point in the sense that most of us are conditioned to make performative noises during sex. Hardcore porn has become our main form of sex education by default because – in case you missed it – nobody wants to give kids a full sex explanation. But … total silence?
I’m in favor of everyone doing their thing and getting it as they please, but Delevingne’s silence is golden, which the vast majority of people don’t. Sure, being calm during sex can be very hot and intimate for people who are in a relationship (or know each other well sexually). I’m not here to lick someone else’s treat. But for people who need communication during sex, to be hot and sexy, and to know what they’re doing right (or wrong), making noise is a must.
If someone were completely silent during sex, wouldn’t you get into your head? Here’s what we know about sex and noise – and whether it actually makes sex better to be loud. Let’s put some science behind the moan.
The brain is designed to respond to (sexy) audio
As they say, the brain is the largest sexual organ, and that’s in part because our brains are wired for auditory processing. A large part of the human brain is devoted to recording and understanding language. It takes a lot of mental strength to process sounds.
There is more to it than just the genitals during sexual arousal. Sexual audio signals are picked up and interpreted by the brain. These are processed as a signal that we are switched on. This happens because the brain and body are connected by a massive network of signals.
Research shows that general erogenous zones such as nipples, feet, and necks are sexually responsive due to the genital cortex in the brain. Through a complex network of nerve endings, the brain and body send signals back and forth through the spine. Something similar can happen when you hear sexual noises: a signal is sent to the brain telling it that you are ready to begin the process of sexual arousal. The brain registers these sounds in response to stimulation and sends a corresponding signal to the genitals. So sexual arousal can occur (or increase).
Why We Make Noise During Sex (And Why It Makes Sex Better)
Sex sounds may be theatrical in porn, but they’re in the clips for a reason: they’re performative, exaggerated versions of the sounds we hear during IRL sex.
The difference? People who have sex in real life make noises because sex is pleasant – provided you don’t pretend, which is sure to happen.
We groan, sigh and groan because we want to convey joy to our partner. “These sounds are a way of telling our partners what we like. Sex sounds can also increase our sexual pleasure, both when we make them and when we hear them, ”says Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., licensed psychologist, certified sex therapist, and author of Become clitoris. Great sex is based on communication, and studies show that knowing that we please our partners (and vice versa) can have a positive impact on our sexual confidence and overall pleasure.
That doesn’t apply to everyone, of course – some people enjoy this quiet sex life – and that’s fine! After all, people are different. We are all sexual snowflakes.
Still, scientists believe that there are physiological reasons why sex sounds turn on. When we moan, scream, etc., we hyperventilate, which leads to arousal of the central nervous system, which plays a key role in sexual arousal. Just think about your increased heart rate and shallow breathing when you are on DTF.
And what about more targeted communication? Say things like, “Oh, yeah!” “Right there!” “That feels amazing!” And “Don’t stop!” can also increase pleasure as we are literally telling our partner what works for us. “These help us instruct our partner to give us pleasure, and can give a partner more confidence that you are telling them what you want,” says Mintz.
This is how you get your noise making skills going
We need to thoroughly weed out the performative bullshit of porn. If it’s not real, it won’t be that fun. Sure, we can pull it off here and there (we all know this helps with arousal), but we can’t pretend something feels good when it feels like a bucket is full blind eels coiling around our genitals.
Here are some tips to get your dirty talk / sex sounds going in a fun and natural way.
- Practice alone first.
If you have never had an orgasm before, it is recommended that you start out on your own so that you can learn what you like. The same goes for dirty talk. “Deepen your breathing and practice making sounds out of your throat. You can even experiment by making exaggerated noises and see how it feels, ”says Lucy Rowett, certified sex coach and clinical sexologist.
It may feel silly at first, but if you can’t moan on your own, moaning with a partner who hears it will likely continue to be daunting.
- Stick with what you know.
It can be helpful to start with things that you know your partner is already hot, such as: B. Complimenting his favorite body part, describing fantasies you had about him and telling him how hot this encounter makes you, ”says Sofiya Alexandra, co-host of the sexuality podcast Private Parts Unknown.
Look at the things your partner is enjoying during sex and make them heard. There is nothing wrong with being direct. “You have every right to feel able to communicate your needs, and the more you do, the more likely you will get what you want,” added Mintz. “Communication is the foundation to turn your foundation into a rock.”
- Remember, we’re all just trying to have a good time.
We’re all here trying to figure out sex. And we’re all a little nervous about our sex noises. (Well, most of us do.) “If it ‘goes wrong,’ you and your partner could laugh about it or talk about it afterwards,” suggests Rowett.
Life is too short to worry about your sex noises. If someone is rude about the noises you are making, it is because of them. Sex is an uncomfortable, bizarre, embarrassing, hot thing. And we could all use a little gentler on ourselves.
Conclusion: this is not a library! (Unless, of course, you’re actually playing it in a library, in which case maybe keep it down.) Make some noise!
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